Why Why can't I have the guts Why can't I have the power The enthusiasm The strength The courage to talk to you To ask you again To ask for an explanation Even though you already gave me one I question myself Why do I still want to know? To know the answer to a question that has been already asked To understand something that has already been clear To demand a statement that has already been uttered I am confused And I'm so sick of myself I regretted the moments that you are not part of But the time you are with me, I just took for granted I want to talk to you
But I don't want to What am I even thinking? I just cringe at the thought What am I even saying? I am confused with myself I don't even know I don't 2/23/2017 Hours passed by in a blur Tons of work kept me distracted Made me busy Made me focus Made me at ease It brought me back to reality It helped me rethink my priorities It showed my current situation Until I saw you A three second moment A short amount of time A moment of you nevertheless "Will you just give up so easily?" They asked. I smiled. I shrugged. I laughed. "Don't force yourself to someone who wants you to stop." They said. I smiled. I shrugged. I laughed. A day full of maybes. A day full of assumptions. A day full of what-ifs. A day full of questions. A day full of everything. A day without you. 2/22/2017 A week has passed since that day The day you told me to stop I can't understand why I can't understand how You gave me an explanation But my close-minded brain just can't absorb anything My heart developed a barricade A wall between your words and me A protection A shield I caged everything outside me Every single thing you said But now was the time I wanted to ask you I wanted an answer A concrete answer An answer that I can hear With your own words Coming from your own mouth An answer that will clear my mind from everything An answer that will destroy this wall An answer that will remove my shield An answer that will make me understand "Are you sure?"
I wanted to hear you "Is everything true?" But I don't want to hear you "Do I still have a chance?" I just laugh at myself for being passive - aggresive "Why?" I can't even stick to my own decisions I asked. You answered. The barrier is broken. I hope I'm not. 2/21/2017 I don't know if I'm ready
To see you To see you again To see your face To see your smile To hear your voice To hear your laugh To feel your presence To feel your charm To taste the sweetness and joy To taste the bitterness of it all I will be ready I hope I'll be 2/20/2017 So far, so good
It has been a good weekend I forgot about you for at least a couple of hours A few moments of peace, joy, and genuine happiness A day full of sweet treats and much-needed sanctuary Until.. Until I saw a picture of you in my gallery It really wasn't a picture It was just a candid A photo from a year ago I realized I missed you so much I began to look for more And I was surprised that there wasn't even a serious photo of yours All were candid Natural You Two photos from last year at a clothing store, showing your cute smile, your eyes hidden by a guy's arms A blurred photo of you sitting with your friends at a party A video of you laughing and shouting a girl's name A video of you leaning on a sleepy guy Just five moments Five moments of you I missed you I still miss you I still can't get over you I can't 2/19/2017 Being away from you might help
A few days without seeing you will be better I hope it will be fast Please heal me faster Faster than before Faster than last time 2/18/2017 Scenes from last night were still in my head
It was a surprise I didn't even dream about anything I don't have the energy to get up Tears came streaming down my face Falling to the sheets so fast I didn't even notice Crying is my drug Crying is my medication It makes me feel better It makes me forget It makes me relieved Even just for a few seconds A few moments I was fine 2/17/2017 I stood in the dark
I can't focus on anything I can feel the tears well up in my eyes I can't cry I will not cry Where are you? Where did you go? Sobs and thick hot tears came I wanted to stop I can't stop I needed to stop I can't stop I tried to hide from people I sat down looking for something, someone to lean on Where are you? I can't control myself I need to stop this I tried to laugh because I looked like some pathetic guy from a korean drama But I can't smile I can't I can't 2/16/2017 I start to see you
I wanted to see you again I need to act like nothing happened I can't spoil this day I want to act happy I need to be happy The screaming of voices, The booming of the bass, The continous rhythm, Distracted me from you Distracted me from your voice, Distracted me from your questions "Why were you not replying?" Because I don't want to relive that moment "Why are you not answering?" Because I might cry at any moment "Why?" Why? Hours passed by The night sky so dark, Contrasting the bright spectrum of blinding lights Wathing you leave was so painful It felt like that day again Except, it was more vivid More real More painful You thanked me for everything I nodded in return You smiled at me I smiled in return You left the crowd I stayed in place I have so many questions that will never be answered Minutes passed Such slow moments I tried to stay longer But I can't I weaved through the crowd I ran for you I ran faster I needed to catch you I can't let you go I needed to hear you I wanted you to tell me that it was all a lie It was all a joke I can't You were gone 2/16/2017 |
AuthorJust call me E // ArchivesCategories |